Open Letter to my Dad

February 10, 2018

Last night I dreamed about my Dad.  It was a peculiar dream- I certainly felt him attempting to communicate with me.  I did what I could to be as receptive as possible- as lucid as I could be.  During the dream there was a moment when I was at the door of a house that was the home of a family member in my childhood.  I was FILLED with fear.  I did NOT want to explore the house.  I did not want to see what was in the house.  I was afraid of the painful memories that would arise.  It was as if I already knew what I would see but I did not want to look at it.

In the dream my father was still alive but ill- just like at the end of his life where he had a short period(6 months) of illness and then passed away.  Upon hearing he was terminally ill, I remember thinking it was too late to connect with him.  I treated those days weeks and months as though this were true- that it was just too late. Now, more than a year after his passing, I feel completely the opposite.  I find myself experiencing many new feelings and ideas about this that I never had before. 

In this realm- earthly realm, Dad and I had trouble connecting.  There were so many blockages to overcome when he married his second wife Jane.  I cannot say for certain what and why.  I cannot actually clarify it.  It was an energetic blockage and it presented various material expressions.  But the point of this article is not to analyze that condition of the past- I instead want to acknowledge my own feelings and emotions where it pertains to Dad and me and our connection.

Dear Dad,

In the years we had together from my childhood until you left us, I chose to always and only focus on the ways that we were similar and the same.  I suppose I did that because I was afraid to recognize the truth of our differences.  They scared me.  My deepest insecurities were always rooted in whether or not you would love me.  Was I good enough?  Would you leave...all this because for me, Fathers are not promised. 

My earliest memories of a father were that of Papa- shooting and farming with me from infancy.  Papa was my hero.  I never understood that he was a drunk.  Losing him so young was devastating for me.  Then you came along.  I was so young that I never realized I wasn't actually your daughter until my baby sister was born and had the same last name as you and Mom.  You quickly corrected that by adopting me.  I was only 8 years old, but I can still remember the celebration dinner we had with Grammi and Gramps.  Gramps was so proud to have me in his family and I felt it.  Even now the picture in my mind of him sitting at the head of the table and everyone smiling at me and passing around my birth certificate...warms my heart. From that moment forward, I never doubted that I was a VanGyzen.  I never doubted to whom I truly belonged.

Over the years of my childhood- the things we experienced together as a family, although wrought with difficulties and tragedies that some families never experience, confirmed to me that we were in fact family.  I always did my best to listen to your input, suggestions and advice.  You DID...for better or worse, become the voice inside of my head.  When I search for that learned wisdom, I do not hear my mother, grandfather, grandmother or anyone else.  I only ever hear you.  For this reason, I am convinced that you and I have a better relationship with you on the otherside, than we ever did here in the last few years of your life.

I am sad that you will not be a part of so many things that are yet to come.  But last night you and I explored some things together- your garage;  your emotions;  your desire to be on this journey with me and give me strength when I am weak.  I am so glad that you have decided to be there for me.  I need you more than ever now.  I feel like I have been a child for 43 years of my life and now suddenly I am being asked to be the grown up one.  Now I understand how scary that is...how terrified you probably felt when you were called to be that at such a young age.

Dad, somehow you always supported my decisions and my choices.  That must have been hard for you.  When I look back upon the times when I was caught up in an unhealthy life cycle, I imagine how I would feel if that were Annika and I were you.  The truth is:  It is her, and I am you.  And I have all the answers you had -they are inside me now...maybe more, maybe less.  The facts are that it is impossible to EVER have enough time to love them.  There are NO WORDS that truly capture it.  It is just a feeling you have.  I have confidence beyond a doubt that Alex and Ani can feel how deeply I love them- right to their core, to their soul.  The reason I am so certain is you.

Dad, I always have known how much you adored me. I am sorry that I never fought harder for our relationship when you were alive.  I let insecurity push me away from you.  But now I can see and feel that you were never far.  You even sent me Jamie who is (frighteningly) your twin on this plane in nearly every way imaginable.  And just as I ran away from you over and over to avoid having to acknowledge that you just loved me as I was in your own imperfect way, I do this to him as well.  Ever since you left us (Jamie and I), we have both tried and struggled to allow that wound to heal. 

I don't mean to sound selfish here, but why did you walk me down the aisle and give me away and then leave me so soon after?  I never got to show you that I could be a good wife...I cannot ask you for advice on how to raise my son, or help my daughter be independent.  You were wise Dad.  And I still needed you, even though I was too proud to ever let you see that.  So here I am now, just crying my eyes out over this letter to tell you that I still needed you.  I'm sorry that I didn't give you more of a reason to stay.

The same week that I decided I would change my last name to Carroll, was the very week I heard you were terminally ill.  It broke my heart and shattered me into a million pieces.  I am not quite sure I have returned to any kind of normal yet. In fact, I think losing you changed me in profound ways that I still have not yet come to grips with...and possibly I never will.  But your influence continues...it irks me and don't think I have not noticed.  Lately I want to frolic in the snow.  I want to snowboard, trek in the woods and even ski.  I want to play golf.  I want to eat foods and daydream and bond with my cat.  I even want to hang upside down. Don't think I have not felt your presence there...that influence... you keep pushing.

I did hear you loud and clear that day you spoke to me when I was upset and troubled over Annika...I heard your message and your voice saying "It's not easy kid.  I know it".  I'm glad I got to be your kid for a little while dad.  We had a lot of great years together.  I miss you terribly.  I wish you were here, and yes...I sang that just now when I typed it.  Thanks for asking.

I love you.  I miss your kisses and hugs.  I miss your laugh.  I miss seeing you happy and living life to the fullest in a way that only you could.  Thank you for choosing to be my father.  You were amazing at it.

Love,

Your Angel

Nothing is ever as good as it was at first....

Nobody would be surprised for me to say that nothing is as good as it was at first.  My first time enjoying coffee...wine...sex...anything.  Your first kiss, first job, first car.  But inevitably, all things must develop and change and transform.  So if our whole purpose is happiness and satisfaction and is our responsibility to create it, then how do we do so?  The Dalai Lama and Buddha have told us this...our purpose is happiness.  Happiness IS the way.  The I ching and Lao Tsao also say something similar in that we live in cycles that repeat themselves and that boredom and fruitlessness abound in nature.  So how do we make all of these philosophies merge together to teach us anything in life?  And how do we create the path to ultimately enduring happiness?


First, I will confess that my reason for saying that nothing is as good as the first is this:  I miss my first BLOG- "Thoughts become Things".  I started that blog/vlog in 2009 during my spiritual awakening.  I had just read "The Secret", and was driven to start writing again because I love to write.  I was able to also start writing for a great organization back then where I wrote a weekly publication for "The Hair Shaman" about Lunar Haircutting and how it works and benefits you.  Another important discovery I made about myself during that time (2009), was that I was passionate about traveling.  I started my 2nd blog then to journal my travels.  I LOVE that blog too.  Then came the Blogs about Twin Flames.  With each new venture I tried to recapture the beautiful feelings I had while writing my first blogs...but I never was able to do that and so I eventually stopped writing.


Getting back on track with writing (for me), is a lot like deciding to try a new Diet and Exercise routine.  I in fact, am doing that too!  I got a FitBit for Christmas and although it took a while for me to do it...I finally stepped on the scale this morning!  I was actually very, very happy.  I was worried that the scale would have very bad news but in fact I have not changed my weight since my last physical a year ago.  I was relieved!  So why are my pants tight?  and why do my clothes feel different?  I read an article by David Wolffe and was awakened by it.  He talked about how what we eat changes what we are.  Basically I was awakened to the idea that every 10 years our skeletal system revitalizes itself.  So what have I done to my bones these past 10 years or so?  And the skin...changes more frequently- every 28 days!  So if I start eating differently today, my skin will be different in 28 days from now?  I can handle that...right?  Changing our habits is hard.


So this blog, "It's all in the cards", was born recently- about a year ago.  I thought I would have a lot I could write about with being a Card Reader.  It's surprisingly un-interesting though.  I mean, to start with, I don't blab to others about my personal Healing sessions.  I don't share about them much at all.  In fact...although I have tried to boast more about my abilities and how they might be able to help people, I just cannot do it!  I spend a good 45-60 hours a week working a 9-5 type job.  After work, I am a busy mom and wife with a home and animals to take care of.  I have so little time for myself...how is there much of anything left after all of that to even meet with clients?  And let's face it- Card Reading isn't paying for my daughter's braces or college.  So I need to work like everyone does.  Also, like Buddha...I think the secret is finding happiness in what you do.  So when people say, "do what makes you happy", I think what they are actually saying is, "Be happy while you are doing whatever it is you are doing". 


So today I am at my workplace and I have some Tenant Files to review etc, etc...and I decided first I would write.  Then I will work.  I feel great about it.  What actually prompted it was mostly that I have a cute workspace that reflects who I am very well.  I took some pictures.  I am proud of what I do for work and the community it serves.  I am proud of how I lead my staff, and the success we all have in part due to my dedication and leadership.  I should feel good about it.  I work very hard for it.
  In addition to my regular work, I do also meet with clients for healing and readings and  educational things.  Here is how I make work fun for me:  I CARE.  I have to set boundaries...but I care and I give the attention required to get the job done.  When others give something to me to help me stay happy or healthy along that path...I allow myself to receive with gratitude. 


Here is my office:

My cubby hole where all the magic happens

The art was painted by a resident, the circular floral a gift from another resident.

What I stare at most of the day.

an intimate glimpse at my desktop.  Pedro Martinez helps me get through the lonely times.

what my visitors see first.

These pictures might seem boring to you but I spend 40-60 hours a week here and this is what I feel and experience.  This is the place I will be when making decisions about how much water to drink and whether or not to get up and go for a walk as my FitBit is telling me to do!  This is where I contemplate what I will eat for lunch, breakfast and sometimes dinner.  This is where I struggle with emotions, schedules and the daily phones calls from kids crying or needing something from me (usually a ride when they miss the bus).  This is where I live for 40-60 hours a week.  This is my home just like the place my family and I live is our home.  It should inspire us and be aesthetic and functional.  Happiness is made here.


On that note...enjoy this blog.  Read about Buddha and the Dalai Lama.  I am sure they will inspire you.  Follow David Wollfe on Facebook for easy and great inspirations.  And most importantly, be good to yourself and others.


Namaste
~Lilac

Angel's Tree of Wisdom Studio

My studio Space is located at 65 Manchester Street, West Warwick RI.  I'm on the 2nd floor of an Artist Studio Complex inside of an old Lace and Dye Mill in Rhode Island.  I primarily use the Studio space for creating content in videos and blogs, hosting meetings and conducting readings for clients. I also have Tarot Students that meet  here.
#TAROT AVENUE

The Studio is a work in progress.  I am happy to share these before-hand photos because the plans we have to transform the space for my usage is pretty exciting actually!  This weekend I was visited by my exceptionally talented Designer from Creating Wonderland Designs.  https://www.facebook.com/CreatingAWonderland/ 

Giorgiana presented me with a personal gift and offering for my studio.  Please note the lovely detail in the way it was painted.  Both  sides have depictions of the Constellations for each Zodiac Sun Sign.  The knobs for each drawer were hand painted...and from top to bottom, represent the Phases of the Moon from New Moon to New Moon again. ***If you would like more information about Moon Phases, please schedule a reading with me and we can explore how the Moon cycles affect your life and outcomes!

 

 

After consulting for the weekend on how the New layout and redecorating will happen, I decided to start by placing the existing furniture into the general area where it will stay long term after the redec.  My table and chair had to move, and my desk too.  Slightly untidy at the moment, but somewhat functional, I decided to journal in my blog and include all my readers in the joy of this grand transformation. 

 

The Tarot Card associated with Transformation energy or the Transformative nature of life, is the Death Card.  See the image below:

 

 

Today is a Death Card kind of Day.  According to the Astrology of the day, we are entering the Moon Phase of the New Moon.  During this period, the moon is not visible,  This also correlated to the Death Card.  The moon is experiencing it's regular transformation from one month to the next.  It's wonderful how things are all connected.  We are all experiencing transformations that occur during the course of a month or a quarter of the year.  To ignore such a pattern is to be stupid.  To embrace it, experience it fully and feel our way through it, allows us to connect to a process that is centuries old. We have become so reliant on clocks, calendars and the TV schedules...there is no need to understand the changes of nature, as they are spoon-fed to us everyday by the demand of our over-scheduled lives.



 

 

I created this studio at the most UNLIKELY time. I had been practicing as a Tarot Card Reader already for years....working from home, and mostly reading at home or in the homes of my clients.  But in August of 2016, as the rest of my world felt as though it were unraveling at rapid speed, I took a leap of faith and created this space.  There have been, and still will be obstacles to overcome so that I can earn a full living working for myself from this space.  But I now see the possibilities and believe that they are within reach and that I can achieve them.  #Transformation.  #Death card. #New Moon.

 

It is my intention to launch this as a business in the future.  And by "in the future", I mean now...but there will come a day, when I will have a great party and we will celebrate that the Studio is officially launched and that day will be wonderful.  It's what I am working towards now as I develop my brand and my message and all the bells and whistles that go with it.  I have operated other small businesses and so I know that these are a great venture and adventure.  I have had a small Child Daycare in my home.  I have operated a very tiny Music Studio where I taught Private Music Students to sing, play French horn and Beginner piano.  I even had Speech Clients who I coached as Vocal students.  This helped them be able to be better public speakers.  And then I ran a very small business that struggled against much market competition, and that was an Event Planning/Wedding Planning Business.  That one was my favorite.  I truly love to host parties and large events.

 

I am learning that entrepreneurship is in the blood, or it is not.  For me, it has always been there.  I cannot escape my desire to be at the top of my work, top of my profession.  And so now, After years of struggling to settle into an industry where I feel connected to my soul journey and also where I can be recognized as a professional in my field, I have chosen my direction and set my sails.  Now we wait for the optimal wind.  Don't mind me if I am being slightly cryptic, but when you are creating your business, you want it to succeed, and so this requires some amount of private work that you can later detail how you got there...and I certainly will.  Many of you will be a part of that when the day comes.

 

 

It is NOT enough to simply be good at something.  To succeed as a business where you can thrive while serving your Divine Purpose and your life path, you must plan, pray and execute fearlessly.  Preparation is key.  I have hoped, dreamed and envisioned and that has gotten me far.  I am a skilled healer already, in that I am a Clairvoiyant and Clairsentient and Intuitive person with Psychic abilities and Mediumship abilities.  Therefore, I can conduct effective Tarot Card readings for clients...and help them.  But without a clear path toward my customer base, I am no more than a part-time hobbyist as a healer. I know I am worth more than that title.

Some of the other modalities that I am interested in learning more about are:  Reiki, crystals and precious gems for healing;  color and aromatherapy;  herbal therapies;  teas;  essential oils;  organic gardening and homesteading;  Ancient Runes and Astrology.

If these interest you too, please follow my blog and also my facebook page where I will create quality short video content, literature content and be easily contacted for Readings in person and over Facebook Messenger. https://www.facebook.com/Angels-Tree-of-Wisdom-Tarot-834044466638153/

I hope to hear from you.  Stay well. 
Love everybody and Be Blessed

Namaste
~Tree of Wisdom Angel



My Favorite Tool

Every decent Tarot Card Reader/Angel Card Reader has a few favorite decks.  The RADIANT Rider Waite Deck is my favorite deck and probably always will be.  I guess I am slightly old-fashioned for preferring the endearing and memorable, easily identifiable imagery of the Classic Rider Waite deck of Tarot Cards.  The Radiant part is that some additional images appear on various cards, and the colors are enhanced.  I also like the shape, size and weight of the deck as well as the plastic coating that they seal the deck with.  You see...all Decks are not created equally!

A few years ago I sat with a Card reader for what I assumed would be a Tarot reading.  She used a deck I recognized as Spanish Playing cards.  I call them "Bricas".  They are sort of a midway between regular playing cards and Tarot.  Their images on the Court cards was very tarot-esque, being they show cups and coins and sticks. There size, more like regular cards.  Anyway....that was the woman who turned me from reading Angel Cards to reading Tarot cards more exclusively.  I know you are dying to know why!  I'll tell you.

My name is Angel (AngelMarie if you please)...and growing up with a name like Angel has not been easy.  As an adult I strongly prefer AngelMarie, AM or Mrs. Carroll.  My husband, close friends, mom and sisters/cousins call me Angel.  No one else.  Somewhere along the lines, I feel like I was brainwashed into the "Angel" mindset.  I mean...I was a good person right?  Angelic?  Wouldn't want to ruin that image by say...gee, I don't know...identifying yourself as a witch? Well, what if I were both?  Maybe my Mother was from a long line of witches and my father was a nephilim?  Maybe he and she created a unique offspring, only one.  Me.  And maybe....just maybe....I am both Angel and Witch.

I was uncomfortable the day she told me I was a witch.  She told me to stop using those Angel Cards (nothing wrong with Angel Cards, by the way...just not the right tool for me).  She addressed my worst fears that day.  It would take me months...maybe a year...before I could say it out loud and not feel like something was wrong with me.  I am a witch.  Am I an Angel?  I don't know.  But I am a witch.  And Tarot cards are one of my favorite tools of divination.  I teach everyone I meet.  I teach them to use runes, tarot cards, crystals, oracle cards and more.  I always encourage people to look inside themselves and use these tools for understanding their true nature, connecting with it...embracing it.  Give yourself a big hug.  You are special.

So it turns out that there is nothing actually scary about being a witch....being intuitive, clairaudient or clairsentient.  Many of you may have heard of Clairvoyance....it's similar to that.  I smell things a lot...hear them...feel them coming before others do.  Sometimes something stops me dead in my tracks to alert me of danger or to whisper a message in my ear.  Sometimes while people are talking to me I hear their words and their hidden thoughts both at the same time.  I usually prefer being alone because having gifts like this makes me sometimes despise having to deal with other people.  I truly appreciate the sincere, real, open...honest people.  They are easy.  Animals, children....easy.  Them I love to be around all the time.  They are a breath of fresh air. 

Do you share my experiences in this way?  Maybe you have gifts too.  If so, what are you doing to learn how to work with those tools to have the best life ever?  You can you know.  You can even use those gifts to help you more easily navigate the toughest times in your life.  You can channel, meditate...trust in your own true north.  Be your own compass!  How about manifestation?  Would you like to manifest your desires?  You can you know. 

It all starts with being willing to hear the truth.  Ask for your mentor.  Ask for your tools.  Meditate on this.  If you need help, let me know.  I love to teach.

~Namaste
Angel's Tree of Wisdom

How is it that I wrote a wonderful Blog about my Feng Shui Tarot Cards and then I never wrote again for another year?  It's shocking to me...that I can not write for so long.  I deliberately keep myself away from my laptop and away from my cards.  I opened a Tarot Studio this past August (August 2016).  It is now January 20, 2017.

 

Well...2016 was incredible for me.  A year ago- so January 2016....I was in WalMart with my fiancé.  We were grocery shopping.  And technically, we had broken off our engagement and only recently had started seeing one another again.  We hatched a very bold plan at that point and it was that we should get Married!  We spent January, February and March planning the wedding...which took place April 10th, 2016! 

 



SOOOOOOO.....life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's ok....

We went on a sweet honeymoon to Canada directly following the Wedding.

 

 

We returned to our "normal lives" in late April.  My husband suddenly lost his job and then we sold his house over the summer.  During that time, he and his dogs moved into my Apartment with me and my Children.  We spent many months learning how to live all together.  On Father's day I got a terrible phone call.  My Father's cancer was back.  This time....terminal.  No way to cure.

 

It was sad watching my father deteriorate through the summer and fall.  He passed away on December 8, 2016 at age 64.  Here he is with me and my husband and Father-in-Law:

 

 

 

THROUGHOUT....all of these times....my cards were with me and were my Faithful guides and friends. 

I started working with a new Tarot Deck on Valentines Day, February 14, 2016.  Those are the Radiant Rider-Waite Deck.  I will be very pleased to introduce them in my next Blog Entry.

 

In August 2016, I found a Studio Space in Evolution Mill.  It's basically and Artist Studio where I have a large studio room.  I meet clients and students there for trainings and readings.  Also, I can read, practice, meditate, write and practice my craft there.

 

I hope you are happy to finally get a new blog entry and I am looking forward to writing more.  I marked my calendar to remind myself to write a new blog weekly.  Let's see if we can accomplish better consistency with this blog in 2017.

 

Many Blessings and Happiness to you all :-)

 

~Angel's Tree of Wisdom





Feng Shue Tarot Reading

The Feng Shue Tarot Deck
created by Peter Paul Connolly and Eilleen Connolly

Welcome back to my 
"All in the Cards" blog.  
Last night I was part of a bachelorette party and met 8 women.  Each person unique and searching for different things.  Some were not searching for me or for my message, but were open to the idea of Tarot Readings and AngelCard Readings.

Every Tarot Reader and Oracle/Angel Card Reader takes a unique approach.  Some are more comfortable delving into the darker inner workings of the mind and psychy.  I personally like to have a Lighter and Brighter, more encouraging manner as I read for my querents.  I observe that many people are reluctant to WISH and to ASK for what they are wanting.  I infuse my readings with an urgency for the querent to seek to use their inner strengths in combination with the Law of Attraction, in order to achieve their desires.

This morning, after having read so many other people, I sat to practice with my newest deck- the Feng Shue Tarot.  The major difference in this deck from Traditional Tarot Decks is that the Minor Arcana (which are divided into four suits, much like regular playing cards), are based on Mythical Creatures such as the Red Phoenix and the Green Dragon.  There is also the White Tiger and the Black Tortoise.  For example, the White Tiger in Feng Shue correlates to SWORDS in the Traditional Tarot.  Swords signal sharpness of wit, thought and even aggression.

Below is my reading:

What does my spread tell me about my current situation?

• How can we interpret this reading?
• Is there more than one interpretation?
• How much do we depend on the direct meanings of the cards vs the implied meanings?
• Where do we inject personal self-knowledge as we attempt to interpret the message?

BREAKING IT DOWN

The first two cards out of the deck are the two center cards that form a cross.  In this case, I layed out the (reversed, which means the card came out upside down) of the GREEN DRAGON KNIGHT.  the second card out, crosses the first card, representing a challenge.  In this case, THE STAR.

I have highlighted the STAR card here as it is a major Arcana...thereby representing a major life situation or major life learning. THE STAR means a destined and blessed situation.  When the STAR appears, good fortune is certainly shining upon the receiver of this card!  For me...the CHALLENGE is the Good fortune.  The KNIGHT card that came out first indicates my impatience with a current life situation.  We can divine from this that I am struggling under a challenging life situation, lacking in patience to get beyond it...and the greatest challenge is that I be able to see that what appears as a "not so good" situation", is actually a blessing in disguise!

The next MAJOR arcana card is THE MOON, seen here:

THE MOON in this reading appears in the position (to the right of center) that indicates an influence in my past...and not the recent past but further back.  The guidebook for this deck truly explains the meaning of this lovely card in such eloquent terms.  To summarize it's meaning in this position, is simply to recognize that in the past I developed my Intuition.  THE MOON is the sign of the creative types who delve into the dark places and mystical consciousness...the ones who experiment with psychedelic drugs and then create master works of art, literature and music.  The Moon Walkers are the Jim Morrisons and Edgar Allen Poe's of the world.

Prominently noted in the OUTCOME placement, is the TOWER...THE TOWER REVERSED.  Very iunteresting.  Here is a photo of the Tower upright so you can have a better look at the illustrations:

TOWER is a major arcana.  Many people feel fearful when the TOWER is in their spread.  The TOWER is a symbol that what was built is now unstable and needs to be broken down...and in the future placement, it would indicate that this is coming...in the future.  So let's explore what my TOWER means for me as it was reversed.  With a card like the TOWER, reverse or upright mean something similar.  LET KARMA take it's course...it will do as it wishes.  Don;t try to hold something together that is meant to disintegrate.

The reversed WHITE TIGER THREE alongside my reversed TOWER suggests that I need to improve my outlook as I stand to make the situation worse with my "stinkin thinkin".  Good advice...and advice I will take.

THE SPREAD

This Spread (layout), is called a 5-card spread.  It can be enhanced with several additional positions and thus becoming what is called the CELTIC SPREAD.  I love the Celtic Spread because it casts a wider view and you can elaborate more with clients (Querents).  For the Bachelorette last night I did a 5 card for each woman with several ANGEL CARDS to offer direct answers to questions or advice on how to heal, help themselves or improve their situation.

LETS GET ANGEL ADVICE....on my reading.

AUTHORITY.  This card is from the INDIGO ANGEL DECK by Doreen Virtue.

A simple message.  I completely get this message.  The situation I am struggling with is that I was fired by a Bully of an authority figure.  It was the second job loss for me in a matter of less than a year.  I am struggling to believe that I am worthy of a GREAT JOB.  I have a real DISLIKE of people in AUTHORITY right now.  As I gaze upon the image of this card, I am DEEPLY moved by the humility of the Angel who is staring upwards...up through the beam of light. He is a powerful being himself, right?  He is a powerful Angel with wings!  But look how he stares upward to the Caster of the Light and is modest and humble and receives the Light.

I want to be like this Angel.  And I can.

I hope you found this "walk through" a reading to be helpful in your own learning process.  If you want a private reading with me, you can reach me via my facebook page:

www.facebook.com/angelstreeofwisdomtarot

~namaste

Lilac

Warm Welcome

Blogs are amazing! 
Back in my school days (graduated high school in 1992), we had no computers in schools...no internet...no cell phones and no Facebook.  Blogs did not exist.  Those of us who were writers, healers and sharers of any kind, had to use other methods to get the message out.

 

I was friendly but distant in school...preoccupied with deeper existential thoughts.  I always saw myself as "on the outside" of all the cliques...never actually fitting in.  My friendships were often one on one.  Remarkably, in the tenth grade, my high school participated in a revolutionary project where they surveyed the whole school (9th grade through 12th grade).  The survey asked kids to name a person in school who they could turn to- to talk to, get advice from and who they found supportive when in times of trouble.  They chose the top ten nominees and named them "Natural Helpers".  These Natural Helpers were assigned to work alongside the School Psychologist and Counselors and were asked to use their "natural" abilities to help in the situations that troubled students.

 

That was the first time I knew I was meant to be a "Natural Helper"....later I followed the path of religion thinking that Service to God was my calling.  Many aspects of Christianity did not fully make sense to me.  It seemed there were many contradictory conclusions one could make about the scriptures.  But the community was a place where I did learn and grow...I learned about selfless service to others in a new way.  I learned about thinking about choices in how they affect the group and not just the one person (the self).  So this experience did groom me for many to come.  I learned Leadership there in church.  We had "Discipleship Groups" on our campus.  These women needed someone to organize them and create a structure for how we met, prayed and served.  Someone had to maintain accountability and reporting. Naturally I was good at this and I got better over 5 years.

 

My next role as a Natural Helper was Childcare.  I was a Natural Leader in my Classroom.  I created and implemented strategies; utilized staff;  cared for children; increased the enrollment in the classrooms.  When my brother died suddenly in Iraq, it was so hard to face the classroom...the parents...it was so difficult to be there for the staff.  I opted to work from home and perform my duties in a smaller setting.  It was less stressful and there were fewer people to interface with daily.  This made the healing process easier for me.  I had 4 children in my home childcare, 4 sets of parents.  This was a lot easier than 32 students and 32 families with 6 staff.  After several years, my child was a school ager.  I saw that I was a bit stagnant from performing the same tasks day after day and week after week and year after year...with the same people.  I realized I needed expansion but I had no idea how much it was needed.

 

Being a creative person, I started party-planning and event hosting.  I did these things in my spare time.  I had fun again...it was challenging.  I met new people and remembered I used to be more confident.  By the time my second child was 3 years old, I had studied and explored and became very masterful at many things that were once completely foreign to me.  I had learned about Universal Consciousness and the Law of Attraction.  I studied Kabbalah, meditation, yoga...so many "new age" concepts and practices.  I learned about what Buddhists believe.  I gained an understanding of what Muslims believe.  I learned about "Spiritual Awakening" by personally experiencing it.  When your consciousness truly shifts...when the Spirit really opens up...you are changed permanently.

 

At that point in my life I could easily see that my relationship of 16 years no longer suited me.  We were not growing...not headed in the same direction.  We did not have the same viewpoints or beliefs.  In fact, there were even many darker and more sinister things happening under the surface of the relationship.  We were unhealthy.  We were incompatible.  It was time to move on. In addition to the Spiritual Awakening, I had also been shown by my Spirit Guides that I was supposed to seek a partner who shared my Spiritual beliefs.  I began to research the idea of people who were a mirror of each other.  This beautiful knowledge was also given to me during my Spiritual Awakening.  I realized that we WILL recognize that reflection of our soul in another person...but only if we seek that in our TRUTH.  You cannot lie to your true self.  Your SOUL will not accept the lies.  A truly Spiritual person will only be able to seek truth and not tolerate the lower vibrational stuff of the world.

 

So...a journey.  I began a new journey around 2010.  That was when I was presented with my first personal deck of Tarot cards.  I had always gone to other readers and believed in them and hoped I could cultivate a way to be a Healer myself.  A dear friend who is a True Healer herself, had advised me to seek out a way to heal people with my special abilities.  It is really mysterious...healing.  I mean, what works for one person does not always work for another  Some things work for most people but for those few others, the symptoms will persist.  For example, I cannot use Aspirin.  I used it once when I was around 14 years old and we ended up at the ER.  My stomach is too sensitive to aspirin.  So I cannot benefit from it the way others can. 

 

Reading Cards

 

 

I began to practice reading in 2010.  I worked at this daily for two years.  One time I doubted my own abilities and went to a card reader who I had never met .  This woman put some cards out and then sat back and stared at me.  Her first words were this:

 

"Why are you here?"

 

I was confused.  I asked her what she meant.  She bluntly stated that her cards and guides were telling her that I was LIKE her...able to see for myself and KNOW for myself...and for others.  So again she queried, "Why are you here?".

 

Every path is challenging.  Reading and believing and trusting and using it are all part of the journey for me.  In High School I was booed off the stage when I auditioned for a Musical Production.  I was told my voice did not project.  I was not a singer.  Two years later I was touring South County as a front-liner for a band...and that lead to many other gigs with other groups and as a Soloist too.  So I guess that one time was me lacking confidence.  Because clearly...I can sing...rather well.

 

I have now read cards for hundreds of people.  There have been so many times when a Client has come back to me to tell me how the reading positively impacted choices they were making, or freed them of emotional ties...or in a few cases, just the fact that things I told them later happened.  Sometimes I meet people and I am urged to reach out and share something, ask something or give something.  I just obey the calling.  I try and judge when it is possible to share and when it is wise not to.  This is not so easy.  I recently attempted to reach out to someone who I felt really needed some support.  It was a mistake and I feel I really offended them.  no one is perfect.  We are all learning. What I learned from that experience was that sometimes it is not MY HELP that is needed...in other words, they needed help, Yes, but not from me.  It is difficult to know that someone needs something but not from you...and not be distracted...and not try and be the ONE that fixes it...these are Spiritual issues.  All people have these experiences, but  some don't know what to do with it.

 

So this is me- the real me.  I am a Tarot Card Reader and Intuitive.  I am an Angel Card/Oracle Card Reader.  I love to meet with people and spread some cards and see what the cards offer to other people.  I use my accumulated years of Spiritual and Emotional Wisdom to teach, guide, advise and support people on their journey.  Thanks for reading!  Keep up the good work.

 

Love Everyone...and Be Blessed,

 

Lilac~